I’ve been manic. Since March. 4 days ago is when I finally leveled out. After a couple of medication increases and additions, of course.
I’ve also been doing A LOT of work. Both in couples counseling and in individual therapy and from my nurse.
I’ve been heavy in my diamond painting. That has really been my saving grace. It keeps me busy, quiets my head, but also allows me to think about things safely. I’m not sure how exactly that works, but I’m not questioning it. I’m going with the flow.
Ive become a tiktok addict. I have one for mental health and one for diamond painting.
@bipolar1_warrior is my mental health tiktok
@my_art_therapy is my diamond painting.
I have a very rigid schedule now. This is my first week on it and it seems to be working well so far. I even work out now. Because it is on my schedule, and it is good for my mental and physical health, and because it is on my schedule I hold myself accountable.
Today was therapy. I have to write a narrative about my relationship with my oldest daughters dad. The one that caused my PTSD. From the beginning of the relationship up until now. I have to go weekly while doing this. I’ve been jotting down notes today. I’ll probably start putting everything down Thursday and work on it through the weekend. It is amazing how much stays in your head. Stuff you thought was locked down tight so it would never resurface again. It will be very cathartic but also very painful and scary having to relive all of the memories.
My husband has been fucking amazing through all of this. I trust him with my life. My trust for him has grown exponentially. This manic episode has made me do a lot of growing. It has made me understand my own boundaries. It has given me fresh eyes on what I am able and not able to do. I have a better grasp on understanding what I can and can’t handle.
I’ll try and get back here more often. Writing is very cathartic for me. But I haven’t been in the mindset to do any writing. It was just too much. But, I’m feeling better now. And feeling level finally. I went from getting 3-4 hours of sleep at night, to finally getting 7-8 hours sleep. And OMG! Sleep makes a HUGE difference!
We are getting anniversary pictures taken this weekend HOPEFULLY! They were supposed to happen last weekend, but it rained. It is also supposed to rain this weekend. But I’m hoping it will hold off. I really want these pictures to get done. But I’ll post pictures as soon as I have them.
Take care of yourselves. Hit me up on TikTok if you are on there. I’m on there EVERY flipping day. LOL