study finds evidence that ‘trigger warnings’ can be psychologically harmful (link to article)


Better… sort of

I got sleep last night! I woke up when my husband’s alarm went off at 7 this morning, but I got 9 hours of sleep. I’m calling it a win.

But I’m back to being restless, so the ride might not be over yet. Just on a downswing. Nothing is holding my interest and I am bored. I washed some dishes this morning. Folded some laundry. Now I’m going to prep for dinner tonight. But none of that is very “entertaining” it is just “busy work”.

I might do some painting while listening to music. Or do my nails. Or both.    Ain’t having a mental illness just grand?

Going up!

It’s mania. I hope it only lasts today and things start to ramp down tomorrow. Went to the mall with my husband today and bought 4 dresses, a pair of shoes, and a clutch! I only needed one dress (it’s for a wedding we are going to next month). I told my husband what I thought was going on and he said he is going to keep an eye on me and I’m not allowed to buy anything else. I got enough today. And I did. Tried to take a nap when we got home from the mall (spent 3 hours there) and I only ended up sleeping for 15 minutes. Just don’t need it. I’m double dosing on melatonin tonight because I NEED my sleep,  otherwise I’m going to end up in a depressive episode.

Who knows

Only time will tell if I am on an upswing. I woke up at 1 a.m. and was not able to get back to sleep. It is now almost 6 a.m., don’t think it is going to happen. I started off being agitated and restless today after my friend visited. But I figured it was just because I have been stuck in bed ever since I have been home (since Tuesday). But then I woke up at 1… and I am putting two and two together. BUT…. since I have had a hysterectomy, I am in complete menopause and one of the horrible things about menopause is… insomnia. So, only time will tell what is going on. I won’t get put on any hormones until the 28 when I have my check up appointment. And if I am going to live on 4 hours of sleep a night between now and then, things are going to get messy.

Home from the hospital

I actually got home from the hospital yesterday. But I was pretty much in bed all day sleeping off and on. Still doing the same today, but I’m a it more mobile and not in quite so much pain.

My innards were a mess, my friends. The doctor has to clean up the mess of the surgery I got last month, I had a lot of scar tissue and adhesions on the right side. After that, he got to do what he was planning on doing; taking everything out. My colon was attached to my left ovary so some reason. And I should be hearing from pathology this week or early next week. He also took out a bunch of lymph nodes to make sure they didn’t have cancer.

Then I get a paper in the mail today that insurance doesn’t want to cover this surgery. I didn’t try traditional methods such as hormones or other surgery. WHAT? Because taking hormones is going to get rid of cancer? And what do you call what happened last month? SURGERY TO REMOVE A CANCEROuS TUMOR! I swear to God insurance is the stupidest thing. I’m going to fight it. I let the hospital know they didn’t want to pay so they can deal with this and if nothing comes of that I will be filing a grievance.

I’ve got to push the water. I’m supposed to be drinking 32 oz a day and I think I’m only getting like 20 or so. I am not a fan of water because it makes me bloated and nauseous.

Have to have hubby wash me down tonight. I would like a shower but don’t think I can get into ours just yet (it is a shower tub combo so I’d be getting in a high tub and I can’t bend too well right now.

Hubby is supposed to be taking care of things today (calling about our daughters viola, making our son a dr appointment) but he is too busy playing video games. *sigh* I don’t have the strength to get mad though. He has been a great help to me.

finally, a little relief

It is so nice to have an anxiety free day. I tell ya, this week has been shit for my anxiety. I don’t think I’ve ever been so anxious for a long period of time at once. It SUCKED! But it is over now. At least I hope.

Yesterday I had my 3D mammogram and ultrasound on my right breast. I can’t remember if I told you all this or not, but they found something suspicious and ordered the big-guns. Got those done yesterday. Not completely out of the woods yet. I have to go back every 6 months for 2 years to get the 3D and ultrasound done. The suspicious item is deep in the central area and is only about 7mm. Now, I get two different stories.

From the radiologist, who gets paid to read these things for a living. It MIGHT be benign, but it is too hard to tell right now because of the size and location. They can’t get a good look at it. Hence why I have to go back so often now. They want to see if it grows or disappears. If it gets any bigger, they want to biopsy.

From my gyno, It is totally benign. This from the woman who told me I did NOT have cancer. I don’t have a lot of trust in her. But for now, I am staying with her because it is damn difficult to find one in my area that is a female.

Yesterday I decided that I just can’t anymore. None of this is in my control, so I have to let it go and take it as it comes. I have to remind myself that I’m thinking this. It is a lot less exhausting to be that way, I know that much for sure.

Today I am just getting caught up on housework and laundry. I want the house to look nice when my husband comes home tomorrow and I think it would be best for my recovery, that way I can fully relax and not feel like I have to tidy up. I need to work on my side of the bed too. LOL I have a tendency to just drop stuff at the side of my bed, and I’ve accumulated a lot of “stuff”.

Monday is the big day. I’ll probably be catching up on blogs during my recovery because I’m not allowed to do much for 6 weeks. I am encouraged to do a lot of walking though, so that is good.