Update

I’m still alive. I’ve been dealing with a bunch of stuff but I’m good now. I just got approved for a medical marijuana card. It has really helped with my anxiety. I’m still trying to find the right stuff for sleep. I have something that is broad spectrum but I haven’t used it yet. It’s been an interesting learning experience. I’m still horrible at math and don’t know my metric measurements. LOL

I’ll try to post here more often. I miss all of you, but I’ve got a one track mind and can only do one thing at a time. I just feel like I’ve been juggling a lot lately.

It’s been awhile

Yes, I still exist. LOL yes I am STILL manic. Yes I am on TWO mood stabilizers now. Lamictal and a high dose of trileptal. I had a very difficult time getting approval for my austedo. Janet changed the pharmacy, and just like magic, it was approved. I just got it in the mail the other day and I was totally surprised. My td has become more pronounced so, glad it finally came.

Have therapy at 11. Don’t want to go. Too tired. Hoping to be more awake soon. Super tired.

Spend most of my tme on Tiktok. Come follow me 😁

@my_art_therapy. Or. @bipolar1_warrior

Where in the hell have I been?!?!?!

I’ve been manic. Since March. 4 days ago is when I finally leveled out. After a couple of medication increases and additions, of course.

I’ve also been doing A LOT of work. Both in couples counseling and in individual therapy and from my nurse.

I’ve been heavy in my diamond painting. That has really been my saving grace. It keeps me busy, quiets my head, but also allows me to think about things safely. I’m not sure how exactly that works, but I’m not questioning it. I’m going with the flow.

Ive become a tiktok addict. I have one for mental health and one for diamond painting.

@bipolar1_warrior is my mental health tiktok

@my_art_therapy is my diamond painting.

I have a very rigid schedule now. This is my first week on it and it seems to be working well so far. I even work out now. Because it is on my schedule, and it is good for my mental and physical health, and because it is on my schedule I hold myself accountable.

Today was therapy. I have to write a narrative about my relationship with my oldest daughters dad. The one that caused my PTSD. From the beginning of the relationship up until now. I have to go weekly while doing this. I’ve been jotting down notes today. I’ll probably start putting everything down Thursday and work on it through the weekend. It is amazing how much stays in your head. Stuff you thought was locked down tight so it would never resurface again. It will be very cathartic but also very painful and scary having to relive all of the memories.

My husband has been fucking amazing through all of this. I trust him with my life. My trust for him has grown exponentially. This manic episode has made me do a lot of growing. It has made me understand my own boundaries. It has given me fresh eyes on what I am able and not able to do. I have a better grasp on understanding what I can and can’t handle.

I’ll try and get back here more often. Writing is very cathartic for me. But I haven’t been in the mindset to do any writing. It was just too much. But, I’m feeling better now. And feeling level finally. I went from getting 3-4 hours of sleep at night, to finally getting 7-8 hours sleep. And OMG! Sleep makes a HUGE difference!

We are getting anniversary pictures taken this weekend HOPEFULLY! They were supposed to happen last weekend, but it rained. It is also supposed to rain this weekend. But I’m hoping it will hold off. I really want these pictures to get done. But I’ll post pictures as soon as I have them.

Take care of yourselves. Hit me up on TikTok if you are on there. I’m on there EVERY flipping day. LOL

Of course

I just got back from my appointment with Janet. And they are in she is increasing my Trileptal to 300 mg twice a day from 150 mg twice a day. She called in a prescription for the austedo and I called the pharmacy and gave them the co-pay card information and it was denied. So I called the drug company like they told me to and of course they’re close for the holiday. So I will have to call them tomorrow morning first thing so we can get this sorted out.In the meantime I have an extra box of samples but I’m gonna be on 9 mg twice a day and right now I’m on 9 mg once a day..

She says I am still coming down off of the mania. But I’ve got rapid thoughts I’ve got impulse problems and very busy so you know this has been a fun ride. That was total sarcasm in case you didn’t catch it.

Got to make a list of things I need to do today so I can stay on track. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been on here but like I said I’ve been crazy and not able to focus and right now I’m using my dictation side so I don’t have to type I’m so lazy.

So I hope everybody has a good day and a good week and I’ll be checking in as soon as I can.

Sleep success?

So, for the past three nights I have taken Calm magnesium citrate supplements and I have been sleeping like a baby. I get no kickback, just wanted to share how well these have been working for me. I take 4 every night before bed. This shows the drink mix, I take the gummies.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BPUY3W0/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?encoding=UTF8&aaxitk=26d785ea13f1bbc06a7cda85dbecf092&hsa_cr_id=5120051200801&pd_rd_plhdr=t&pd_rd_r=10459f3d-7a3c-4e40-a2fa-b1c0bbac10d7&pd_rd_w=j39An&pd_rd_wg=ECJuu&ref=sbx_be_s_sparkle_mcd_asin_0_title

What is sleep

I’m still not right guys. And it’s this fucking sleep bullshit. I see Janet on the 5th and I will mince no words with her. I legit need a 3 day stay in the hospital for exhaustion. I’m not even kidding. I need my system reset. .If she tells me my sleep is still fucked up because I am manic I’m going to scream. If I do not get results with Janet, I will get in with my doctor. I. Need. Sleep.

Paranoid

I have had yet another package stolen from my front porch. In broad daylight, while I was home. I’m starting to get creeped out that someone is watching me. Twice is no coincidence. Twice is someone watching your house. Trigger the ptsd….