I am getting no relief tonight. No amount of baking, music, or talking myself down is helping. I just wanna leave my body. I just wanna be somewhere else. I want to self-harm, to get that release, to feel something other than this dull sadness… This is not a good place. I feel like I am hanging on by a tiny gossamer thread, and below me is a dark cavernous abyss, with stalagmites that have large mouths full of sharp jagged teeth, ready to eat me alive as I fall.
Don’t worry, I won’t self harm. That is something I have worked very hard from stopping. I haven’t done it for at least 10 years…. So, I don’t want to get in the habit, but it is just how I am feeling right now.
I know what triggered the depression…. and hopefully things look up soon.