So, I came across an article yesterday that claimed there have been studies done recently that show promiscuity is an inherited trait. This got me to thinking….
I have been a promiscuous gal. More so than I care to admit. Mostly in my younger years. And to be frank, I probably would be if I got out more and knew more people. Is it inherited? I don’t know. I am more of the opinion that it is due to the Bipolar Illness.
I was just talking to a friend of mine the other day about this. How my husband should be happy I’ve been spending money instead of screwing around. Because those are my either/ or things that happen when manic/hypo-manic/upswing.
Does it make it right? No. But quite honestly, I can’t help it. It is an urge, it is an impulse, and when in these states of mania, you only care about that one thing. That feeling in your body that you can only tame by committing …. whatever it is you do when in said state.
I have to say, that is the bummer of it all. I enjoy feeling happy. I enjoy the feeling of living on the edge. But I don’t like what I do.
Recently I have tried to talk myself out of spending money. It is really hard, but I do it, because I have to be responsible about all this, don’t I? Because at the end of the day, we are responsible for our own actions.
It’s fucking hard. It’s a lot of work. It is EXHAUSTING! And no one ever says “Hey, I’ve been in your head lately, and I’m really proud about how you have been trying so hard to be and do better.” So we have to learn how to be proud of ourselves, but sometimes, I think that is even more difficult.