Now I understand… (possible trigger – self harm/suicide)

So last night I completely understood why people shoot themselves in the head. And had I have been in a bad state of mind, and totally apart of reality, I may have just done it. My head just would NOT STOP! I wanted to hit it, I wanted to bang it against a wall, I wanted to do something, ANYTHING, to make it stop. But what was IT that was making me feel this way?

It just felt like my head was a bunch of cog wheels turning around and around, faster and faster, smoking from the heat from friction. No particular thoughts, but noise all in the same.  No words, no sounds, just the horrible feeling that things were moving around in there too damn fast.

I am having problems with forgetting stuff. But nothing horribly bad, but just enough to be annoying. And man is it ever annoying! Wrong words, not being able to find the right words, forgetting where I put stuff…. I just don’t think this is a good thing.

So, I decided to just talk to Dr. G about it in July and keep Dr. A off the hook for this. I would imagine if I get to a point where I can’t stand it, I can go it on Tuesday morning and try to see Dr. G on a walk in basis. I’m just trying to hold tight.


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