Numb

numb

I called the clinic today, got transferred to three different people before I could leave a message for the clinic nurse. So, She should be getting back to me at some point tomorrow. But in the meantime, I don’t even feel depressed. I feel numb. I feel like a sticky glob of tar, trying really hard to move out of the comfort of it’s area, but not really putting a lot of effort into it at the same time.

I want to sleep, but I am not tired. I want to zone out and watch tv, but nothing is tripping my trigger. I want to read a book, but nothing is keeping my attention. I want to paint, but I don’t have the strength or any inspiration.

I did manage to get my china dishes put away. Those have only been sitting in my kitchen since the 7th of July.

I’m so mad, in a whinny sense, because for a long stretch, I was fine! I was great even! And now…. this fucking blows, to be perfectly honest.

So, I sit and wait for the call from the nurse. And look for a job while I’m so not right in the head, but hey, we gotta have a lot of money! (that is sarcasm, we might be living paycheck to paycheck currently, but we are certainly not destitute — make the crazy lady get a job while she is unstable. THAT sounds like an AWESOME idea. No, let me rephrase that, he would like for me to get a job so we can have extra money and live a bit more comfortably. But I hear, make the crazy lady get a job)

I wonder if I can be one of those men in black suits from The Matrix? I could TOTALLY do that!

(photo credit: Matt Daniels)

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