Being Present

My husband is annoying me. He is never “present”. Always hooked up to his kindle with his headphones, binging on netflix, or he is just actually never here. Take your pick.
He finally paid a couple of bills, after I “reminded him” (aka NAGGING) to pay the bills. Now I have to “remind” him to deposit the check his mom sent him for the tires he just bought for his car, otherwise we will have no money to buy food for when they arrive later this week.

To take it a step further, I sent an email to the in-laws, and copied him to said email; it talked about things to do while they visit, and some new restaurants we can try out. One was a Chinese Buffet place, which I have gone to 3 times.

… a quick back story…
I HATE Chinese food. The smell of it literally makes me vomit. But to appease my best-friend one weekend, we went to a Chinese Buffet because she was craving it. I tried a few things and decided it wasn’t so bad, even if the smell made me nauseous.

….back to my rant….
So my darling tells me about talking to his dad last night, and his dad mentioned the Chinese place, and my husband said “Oh, I don’t think Iggy would want to go there, the smell of Chinese food makes her ill”

Mind you, I am the one who sent the email, and I am the one who suggested the Chinese buffet. Mind you that my husband knows I have been to said place three times, and each time I came backed, I exclaimed that I had Chinese for dinner, like a little kid wanting to make their parent proud.

But apparently, he wasn’t PRESENT during these conversations. Because he was in netflix land, in a hole, far, far down.

This is annoying to me. And while I was sipping on my coffee this morning, I was trying to figure out how to change this.

I have enough wrong with me, that I have to keep in check with; Oh, I’m depressed today, ok lets try to get out of this! Oh, I am in pain today and have to stay in bed, but I gotta be available for everyone. Oh, I am a bit manic today, but I gotta keep my head level and my feet on the ground, because I’ve got kids to take care of. But apparently that is not enough. Apparently I have to keep tabs on him too.

I really need to get into therapy before I lose my stack. I need to have some tools that will help me tackle these things. I need to know ways on how to gently nudge him into being present and available for me and the kids, because I can’t do it all alone. The kids notice he is not present all the time too, and they complain to me about it, which just makes things harder, because then I REALLY feel like I need to do something about it. But it’s not me that has the problem. It’s him. Yet I have to fix it.


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