How many friends do you guys have? Do you have many or few?
I have 1. O.N.E. – well, I have more than that, a few here where I live, but none that I would really hang out with and do stuff with. I find friendship to be exhausting at times. It can also be lonely if you don’t have the right friend. It can also be a life saver. I have a ton on line. Some I even have a phone relationship with. But I try not to talk on the phone much these days, it just takes too much out of me.
My BFF has a new beau. And he lives with her. Which is great! I am happy for her. She is a great gal! But, I feel like I’m being left on the roadside. And I know in my right mind, that is so far from the truth. I’m just used to being the only one. I’m used to going on road trips with her at the middle of the night when she gets a wild hair up her ass. I am used to being the one she calls when she is sad or mad or happy. And I am not anymore.
I haven’t seen her since before Thanksgiving. And even then she wasn’t even there. I got super sick and she took off to be with her boyfriends daughter who was at the hospital. Which I totally didn’t have a problem with. We would hang out every Friday and I would spend the night. We would go out for dinner, or she would make something. We would watch movies or play cards. Sometimes we would do something crafty. But not anymore.
I’m not jealous. But I AM sad. And I feel like I am losing my friend, even though I know I’m not. It’s just been “us” for so long, and now it’s not. I have to get used to that.
When I have a relationship with someone, I give them 200%. Maybe that is where I have gone wrong? I dunno.
My life is being at home, with my kids, cleaning, making dinner, or helping with homework. On bad days I’m in my room under the covers wanting my life to end.
I need a life. A different life. An addition to my current life. I need change. I need something, because what I have now isn’t working for me.