I forgot to add this conversation I had with my pdoc:
Doc: “What happens if you don’t take your Sonata?”
Me: “Um…. I don’t sleep.”
Doc: “Ok, maybe you should stop taking it for like a week.”
Me: *blink* *blink* “Uh…..ok?”
Doc:”Sometimes stopping meds for awhile will ‘shock’ your system back into shape.”
Me – in my head : “Um did you HEAR the part where I said I DON’T SLEEP if I don’t take it? What in the HELL am I supposed to do for a week with no sleep? Oh, go manic? Get depressed? It could go either way, bitch. You DO realize I have kids to take care of, right? You DO realize that if I get no sleep at night, the possibility of me passing out during the day, and totally screwing up my sleep is GOING to happen. And oh the pain flare I will experience will be ever-so-pleasant!”
Me – in reality: *blink* “Um, ok, I see what you are saying. I will think about it.”
Seriously! How absurd is that???? Had I NOT been in a clinic, I probably would have unleashed on her and told her what I really thought. But, being kicked out of the clinic was not on my to-do list today. My hubby is gonna get a hard chuckle out of that one. And it is stupid stuff like this that “we” are told, that causes so many of us to reach for drugs or alcohol to “fix” the problem. Because believe you-me, if I could get my hand on a bag of weed, it would so be on! But then I would be paranoid about the surprise drug test they would give me, because of the sleeping pills I am on, that she is telling me to take a break from. See a cycle?
I do honestly see what she is saying, and I have been in this game long enough to know that what she is saying is true. It is just hard to hear and very difficult to put into motion. I really gotta get this sleep study done, for the sake of myself, my sanity, and my families safety.