So as many of you know, I’m trying to get back into the work force. I’m trying to find jobs that I will enjoy, keep my interest, and will be easy and less stressful for me to do, as so I don’t disrupt the bipolar beast that dwells within.
Yesterday I received a “Thanks, but, no thanks” email from a place I had applied to. This job was to clean out animal cages. At first, I was a little bummed, but looking at it in a positive light. It just means there is something better for me out there, right?
Then I slept on that.
Now I’m butt hurt. I will get over it, but the fact remains that part of me is a little disappointed that I couldn’t land a job as easy as cleaning out animal cages! I have experience! It doesn’t take a college degree to clean out a damn cage! I just can’t wrap my mind around it.
Which brings me to this:
How many of you out there with Bipolar are holding down a job? How many of you are looking for a job?
I’m thinking I need to make a back up plan. I need to come up with an idea on how to generate income from home. I’ve done it before; I’ve had online stores, I’ve done web-vertising, I’ve even worked for Miss. Cleo! I’ve tried my hand at making jewelry, but no one bought anything. The few places that I have submitted my writing to, said I wasn’t the right fit. I’m not looking for a work at home scheme or expecting to get rich quick. I’m just looking to stay afloat. And I find this process to be arduous.
Not only is it arduous, but it does something to my sensitive little psyche. When I get rejected, a little bit of me crumbles away, and then I start telling myself what a worthless fuck I am. No degree, choppy work history, no real accomplishments…
And then I think, “what would you tell someone who is in this position?” Because we never talk to others like we talk to ourselves. I, of course, would be positive, try to build them up, let them know they are worth something, and they just haven’t found the right place yet. There is something out there for them, and they should not give up the fight.
Why is it so hard to take our own advice? I don’t give disingenuous advice. I’m always as honest as I possibly can be. So, it’s not like I am blowing smoke, ya know?
We are our own worst critics. And right now this is where I am. Beating myself up over something that was NEVER promised to me. But I feel defeated. And I am struggling with trying to stay positive and trying not to take my harsh words to heart.
Any words of advice?