Butt Hurt

So as many of you know, I’m trying to get back into the work force. I’m trying to find jobs that I will enjoy, keep my interest, and will be easy and less stressful for me to do, as so I don’t disrupt the bipolar beast that dwells within.

Yesterday I received a “Thanks, but, no thanks” email from a place I had applied to. This job was to clean out animal cages. At first, I was a little bummed, but looking at it in a positive light. It just means there is something better for me out there, right?

Then I slept on that.

Now I’m butt hurt. I will get over it, but the fact remains that part of me is a little disappointed that I couldn’t land a job as easy as cleaning out animal cages! I have experience! It doesn’t take a college degree to clean out a damn cage! I just can’t wrap my mind around it.

Which brings me to this:

How many of you out there with Bipolar are holding down a job? How many of you are looking for a job?

I’m thinking I need to make a back up plan. I need to come up with an idea on how to generate income from home. I’ve done it before; I’ve had online stores, I’ve done web-vertising, I’ve even worked for Miss. Cleo! I’ve tried my hand at making jewelry, but no one bought anything. The few places that I have submitted my writing to, said I wasn’t the right fit. I’m not looking for a work at home scheme or expecting to get rich quick. I’m just looking to stay afloat. And I find this process to be arduous.

Not only is it arduous, but it does something to my sensitive little psyche. When I get rejected, a little bit of me crumbles away, and then I start telling myself what a worthless fuck I am. No degree, choppy work history, no real accomplishments…

And then I think, “what would you tell someone who is in this position?” Because we never talk to others like we talk to ourselves. I, of course, would be positive, try to build them up, let them know they are worth something, and they just haven’t found the right place yet. There is something out there for them, and they should not give up the fight.

Why is it so hard to take our own advice? I don’t give disingenuous advice. I’m always as honest as I possibly can be. So, it’s not like I am blowing smoke, ya know?

We are our own worst critics. And right now this is where I am. Beating myself up over something that was NEVER promised to me. But I feel defeated. And I am struggling with trying to stay positive and trying not to take my harsh words to heart.

Any words of advice?


6 thoughts on “Butt Hurt”

  1. It’s hard not to feel defeated. Looking for work can be so stressful. I would imagine that you probably didn’t get the cleaning cages position because they expected to give it to someone new to the work force. They look at someone who has work experience as more than qualified for it and assume you would get bored quickly and leave. You may want to try volunteering as a way to get your foot in the door. In the past I volunteered for a short time to show I was interested and capable and as soon as an opening came up, I was their first choice. Just a thought. Best of luck! – Tempest

  2. We ran our own business for a while, walking and training dogs, but it was far too difficult to do that and cope with my symptoms. We drastically cut the hours back (just walking one dog twice a week, for an hour each time) but as my psychosis got worse even that became impossible…we’ve always volunteered, in various places, and can’t even do that anymore :/

    Are there any charities or services where you live that would help you in finding a job? I think there are some here that will contact places for you, or have positions with companies where you can mould the hours easier and are more accepting if you need days off etc.

    Hope you find what you’re looking for 🙂

    1. There is a lady at our church that helps people find jobs. She requires that you take a class that is held somewhere that tells you how to act during and interview and stuff along those lines, which kind of turns me off… I have that down, no problem. I used to be a manager, so I have first hand experience on what is expected during an interview. She also took one look at my resume and basically told me it was crap. This was a few years ago, I have since spiffed it up, but I am thinking about spiffing it up more. I have a friend from high school who is a head hunter for medical facilities. She has offered to look at my resume for me and tell me what she thinks. It is just so nerve wracking. LOL

      1. Ugh, that sucks. I’ve had a few times, mainly before the mania showed its ugly head, when I was looking for a job…I *hated* it. I can’t stand interviews, especially back then I had huge issues meeting strangers, and it was all so stressful. I ended up volunteering in a few different places and walking people’s dogs, not really a professional dog walker at that point…then I left for uni and had my first manic episode >__<

  3. Everything happens for a reason, perhaps that will be revealed soon. Until you get to that point, keep on trooping – something better is around the corner.

    1. Thank’s for the support. I know it in my heart, but sometimes my heart and my mind don’t agree on things, and this is one of those things. So, it is wonderful to hear it. Thank you so much.

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