I need some sunshine

Today was the pitts. I had a busy morning, grocery shopping, getting meds, feeling guilty because I cost so much. Fucked up my morning by drinking coffee with cream and sugar, so I couldn’t go get my labs. But I got over it.

Found out this afternoon that my bestie got laid off.

Found out tonight that she is leaving on the 1 of Feb. for Arizona. For two weeks. To look for a job and someplace to live.

I look at this as an opportunity that she needs. A change that she desperately needs. But for me, I am sad beyond words. She is my ride or die. We have done everything together for 15 years. You can’t separate us; except for lately because weather and my husbands extra curricular activities. She is my ONLY friend. The ONLY one I hang with. I keep my circle small and tight, that way you don’t get fucked over or stabbed in the back. And now she is leaving.

I’m not mad at her. I’m mad at the situation. But I keep telling myself this will be good for her and to not get all worked up yet.

But I can’t help but think, if she leaves, I am all alone. I will have no more social life. No more adventures.

It might take me awhile to digest all of this. It might take me awhile to get used to the fact that I have to start all over with “friends”.

I want what is best for her, but I don’t want to be left alone. And I know that is selfish, and I feel horrible about it. But I don’t know how to make it stop.

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3 thoughts on “I need some sunshine”

  1. I’m so sorry that you are losing your best friend. I know how that feels…. But at least you can still talk on the phone, and maybe visit each other every now and then. I hope you have luck finding a new friend, when you’re ready, it is hard believe me I know. 😦

  2. Just remind yourself that friendship is something that exists inside of you, so no matter if you have a physical separation you can maintain that emotional connection.

    No denying it is tough, but both of you are strong enough to keep that bond. Take care.

  3. My bestie (my only friend) will soon be moving away too. Not for another couple of years, thank god. But everytime I think about it I want to cry. It’s devastating. And I don’t care what anyone says – SKYPE IS NO SUBSTITUTION! I feel your pain. You and I are going to have to join a social club, hobby club or some other horrific social thing to make new friends. But to be honest – I’d prefer to just be on my own. I feel your sense of loss and isolation, I really do. You want to smile for them and cry for you all at the same time

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