Today was the pitts. I had a busy morning, grocery shopping, getting meds, feeling guilty because I cost so much. Fucked up my morning by drinking coffee with cream and sugar, so I couldn’t go get my labs. But I got over it.
Found out this afternoon that my bestie got laid off.
Found out tonight that she is leaving on the 1 of Feb. for Arizona. For two weeks. To look for a job and someplace to live.
I look at this as an opportunity that she needs. A change that she desperately needs. But for me, I am sad beyond words. She is my ride or die. We have done everything together for 15 years. You can’t separate us; except for lately because weather and my husbands extra curricular activities. She is my ONLY friend. The ONLY one I hang with. I keep my circle small and tight, that way you don’t get fucked over or stabbed in the back. And now she is leaving.
I’m not mad at her. I’m mad at the situation. But I keep telling myself this will be good for her and to not get all worked up yet.
But I can’t help but think, if she leaves, I am all alone. I will have no more social life. No more adventures.
It might take me awhile to digest all of this. It might take me awhile to get used to the fact that I have to start all over with “friends”.
I want what is best for her, but I don’t want to be left alone. And I know that is selfish, and I feel horrible about it. But I don’t know how to make it stop.