Last night, I had a moment of clarity. I mean a real, living in the moment, piece of clarity. I should try to have those more often.
I was sitting in the living room with my husband and my daughter; he was on the couch, resting and playing a game on his kindle, and she was on the floor, playing with her Monster High dolls.
I looked at my husband, and I realized how much I love that guy. He has put up with so much of my crap; the ups, the downs, the effects of mania and depression, he takes care of business when I have been bed ridden, he works every day to provide for us. Sure, he isn’t nearly as romantic as I wish he would or could be, but I think somehow, the things that he does do, his “little things” are his way of being romantic. I might get pissed off at him for stupid shit that annoys the hell out of me, his drinking, his never being home due to his Masonic affiliation, but in reality, things are good.
I looked at my daughter, and I realize I made that! I made a person! And I haven’t managed to fuck her up… yet! LOL There is something about her that is different from our other kids. She is compassionate, she has empathy, she is filled with love and innocence. She thinks the world of me, flaws and all. She thinks I am the best mom in the world, the best cook in the world, the best teacher in the world. And if I am having an “off” day, she always gives me a hug or makes me one of her special home-made cards that tells me she loves me more than the universe.
Can it really get any better? It certainly could be worse, but I don’t think it can get any better. Not when you have a moment of clarity that allows you to take stock in the good in your life. Maybe it was divine intervention. The universe’s way of letting me know that I AM good enough. I needed that this weekend.