One of the
beautiful sucky things about being diagnosed with more than one disease is that you feel like you will never come close to being “well” again.
I’m trying really hard not to be a Debbie Downer, but I can’t see any light at the end of this tunnel.
I went to bed last night around 11ish, which is late for me. I try to stay on a strict routine when it comes to sleep. 10pm is my max. But I ended up sleeping in until 9:30 this morning, so all was not lost.
I got up, had my coffee, emptied the dishwasher, loaded the dishwasher, ran the dishwasher, and then yelled at S to bring me ALL the dishes from her room. (I have only been asking since yesterday for this to be done)
Piddled around with email, and then BAM! Exhausted hit me upside the head. I tried to fake it out. I tried to ignore it, but by the time 12:30 rolled around, I couldn’t do the being awake thing anymore.
Back to bed I go.
I woke up at 2, looked at my phone to see the time, and decided it was time to get back up. Only my body was not in agreement. I apparently dozed off for another hour. I look at my phone, it is now 3:15, fuming, I get out of bed.
I’m fuming because I have slept the day away. I’ve got shit to do, I can’t be sleeping all day.
I have spoken to my GP about my fatigue; it’s a lovely fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism trait, and she treats my fibro. The last time I had fatigue really bad, it lasted for 3 months. She told me that if it lasts longer than 6 days, I need to come in. She also told me that she will have to treat the fatigue with a stimulant. Which I’m sure for a normal person who doesn’t have bipolar, would be a FANTASTIC idea! But I am scared shitless to be on a stimulant. What if it causes mania?
And here is my delima…
Here is my “blessing” of being a strong person who can handle more than one disease. The secret is, I can’t.
I’m tired of being exhausted and having to take a nap every fucking time I take a trip in the car, no matter how short!
I’m tired of not being able to do things “normal” people can do on a daily.
I’m tired of being flawed. I get it! I’m a unique snowflake, I’m a warrior, I can handle this, God only gives these things to the strong ones.. This is all the hullabaloo I get when I talk to people, them trying to make me feel better.
I would feel better when my body is no longer in pain. I would feel better when I can stay up all day and not feel the need to zonk out. I would feel better if they would give me my damn meds so I am no longer in pain, and hopefully in turn, not so flippen tired!
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer with this post. I’m just frustrated beyond belief.