Doubly Cursed

One of the beautiful sucky things about being diagnosed with more than one disease is that you feel like you will never come close to being “well” again.

I’m trying really hard not to be a Debbie Downer, but I can’t see any light at the end of this tunnel.

I went to bed last night around 11ish, which is late for me. I try to stay on a strict routine when it comes to sleep. 10pm is my max. But I ended up sleeping in until 9:30 this morning, so all was not lost.

I got up, had my coffee, emptied the dishwasher, loaded the dishwasher, ran the dishwasher, and then yelled at S to bring me ALL the dishes from her room. (I have only been asking since yesterday for this to be done)

Piddled around with email, and then BAM! Exhausted hit me upside the head. I tried to fake it out. I tried to ignore it, but by the time 12:30 rolled around, I couldn’t do the being awake thing anymore.

Back to bed I go.

I woke up at 2, looked at my phone to see the time, and decided it was time to get back up. Only my body was not in agreement. I apparently dozed off for another hour. I look at my phone, it is now 3:15, fuming, I get out of bed.

I’m fuming because I have slept the day away. I’ve got shit to do, I can’t be sleeping all day.

I have spoken to my GP about my fatigue; it’s a lovely fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism trait, and she treats my fibro. The last time I had fatigue really bad, it lasted for 3 months. She told me that if it lasts longer than 6 days, I need to come in. She also told me that she will have to treat the fatigue with a stimulant. Which I’m sure for a normal person who doesn’t have bipolar, would be a FANTASTIC idea! But I am scared shitless to be on a stimulant. What if it causes mania?

And here is my delima…

Here is my “blessing” of being a strong person who can handle more than one disease. The secret is, I can’t.

I’m tired of being exhausted and having to take a nap every fucking time I take a trip in the car, no matter how short!
I’m tired of not being able to do things “normal” people can do on a daily.
I’m tired of being flawed. I get it! I’m a unique snowflake, I’m a warrior, I can handle this, God only gives these things to the strong ones.. This is all the hullabaloo I get when I talk to people, them trying to make me feel better.

I would feel better when my body is no longer in pain. I would feel better when I can stay up all day and not feel the need to zonk out. I would feel better if they would give me my damn meds so I am no longer in pain, and hopefully in turn, not so flippen tired!

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer with this post. I’m just frustrated beyond belief.


9 thoughts on “Doubly Cursed”

  1. Next time you go to the doctor, have them check your vitamin D. Or heck, just start taking a daily dose of at least 2000 IUD’s (rumor has it, you can’t OD). I have been an insomniac my whole life. Last year I suddenly started having trouble staying awake and for the first time EVER in my life, could lay my head down and fall asleep in an instant. It was that deep sleep too, because I would wake up within the hour not knowing what day it was or time it was. It really freaked me out. It took them 6 months to get my D level up to the low end of normal, but I’m happy (unhappy really…lol) that my insomnia is back. 🙂

    1. At one point in time I was deficient in Vit D, like super super bad. My reading was a 9 and I think it is supposed to be in the 30’s. I keep Vit D on hand, not only for me, but my husband takes it during the winter, as he is susceptible to depression in the winter, and taking Vt. D seems to help him. I was actually eyeing it yesterday… Couldn’t hurt! Thanks for the reminder! 🙂

  2. Hi Iggy, I hear you on this sister! I struggle with a few sucky things too including fibro and depression. It’s really hard. Blogging has really helped me and I appreciate your sharing your story. One thing that has really helped me with my sleeping problem is gabapentin. And my new favorite thing is an electric blanket, so cozy and warm. I hope you’ll feel a little better soon!

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Unfortunately, my pdoc will not be switching my sleep meds until I get a sleep study. I have heard a lot of good things about gabapentin, I am hoping at somepoint, if I need to switch meds for my fibro, my Primary Care doc will switch me to it. We have had a discussion about it before, so it is a possibility. I have an electric blanket, but I haven’t used it this year, it hasn’t been cold enough for me. I actually want to get a new one; one of the fancy soft ones. 🙂

  3. You’re no Debbie Downer. You are a lovely person coping with multiple chronic illness. Feeling fatigued is completely natural. When you sleep, you’re not wasting time or being lazy. When you sleep you are making your health a priority, you are resting and healing. Please don’t be so hard on yourself, you are phenomenal and doing the best you can

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