I am trying to make it through the days. I do the best that I can, yet I repeatedly chastise myself for not doing better. The conversation goes something like this:
“Man, I am spent!”
“Why? You haven’t done anything! You lazy piece of human being! You have one job…. ONE freaking job – taking care of the house. That is it, that is ALL you have to do! Do you realize how many working moms would LOVE to be in your position? Be at home to see their kids off to school, being the first one they see when they come home from school? Tons. And here you are pulling a ‘pity me, my life is so hard’ party for one. Get a fucking grip on yourself!”
“Um… thanks for the pep talk? You know how hard I try DAILY to just muster up enough strength to not get tired doing the dishes. Some days I can’t even focus on ONE task, let alone more than one. I am no good to anyone if I can’t do things in my own time and on my own schedule.”
“You are so pathetic.”
“Trust me, I feel the guilt. I wish I could do more. I wish I wasn’t on a constant roller coaster of emotions. If I could have just ONE good day. ONE NORMAL day…”
I find it funny, that we are often so critical of ourselves. Why do we expect perfection out of ourselves if we don’t expect it from others? Why can’t we be kind to ourselves like we are to other people? Maybe it’s just me.