All is well

My dad’s surgery went well. I only stayed until the surgery was over. I didn’t hang out and wait to see him once he was out of recovery. Once I knew everything went ok, I was good. And My Aunt and Uncle showed up, and so did my dad’s good friend, so I left my mom in good hands. My sister is giving me updates. She did see him after surgery; he was still asleep, had a breathing tube in (which she said chocked her up seeing our dad like that), was a little swollen, which is normal, but had good color and his heart is beating strong.

I had reasons why I didn’t hang out. I am not going to use the fact that I have been up since 4 a.m. this morning, and although I slept well, I didn’t really get to sleep til about 11 last night. I’m not using the fact that my meds kicked in and made me sleepy, because I could have toughed it out. The main reason I left when I did was the energy level. Quite frankly it was just draining. Surgery is a busy place! And with the few people that showed up today, I had to actually leave where everyone was sitting because I just had to… I started getting anxious. My Uncle came over to make sure I was ok, which I thought was nice of him. I also left because my dad isn’t going to be coherent when he wakes up, which at this point won’t be for a couple more hours. I will call him though, and try to visit when he gets his room.

I kinda felt bad for leaving. I can only take so much, and I was reaching my limit. My mom and sister were fine with me leaving, but… I’m not. And I realize it is because I expect too much out of myself.

I saw my dad this morning before surgery, I told him I loved him numerous times, and kissed him before he went into surgery. But I’m still beating myself up over not staying for the whole time, even though I know he is ok. I don’t know how to get over that.

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4 thoughts on “All is well”

  1. Its important to remember you left because you were drained and tired by the entire ordeal. You left to refresh and recharge yourself. This is self care. When your dad is coherent and settled in his room, you will be revived as well. Its a win-win situation all around. You will be no good to anyone if you are tired and not firing on all cylinders. You made a healthy choice. A wise choice. You chose to take care of yourself, so you can be better able to take care of things to come ❤

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