My dad’s surgery went well. I only stayed until the surgery was over. I didn’t hang out and wait to see him once he was out of recovery. Once I knew everything went ok, I was good. And My Aunt and Uncle showed up, and so did my dad’s good friend, so I left my mom in good hands. My sister is giving me updates. She did see him after surgery; he was still asleep, had a breathing tube in (which she said chocked her up seeing our dad like that), was a little swollen, which is normal, but had good color and his heart is beating strong.
I had reasons why I didn’t hang out. I am not going to use the fact that I have been up since 4 a.m. this morning, and although I slept well, I didn’t really get to sleep til about 11 last night. I’m not using the fact that my meds kicked in and made me sleepy, because I could have toughed it out. The main reason I left when I did was the energy level. Quite frankly it was just draining. Surgery is a busy place! And with the few people that showed up today, I had to actually leave where everyone was sitting because I just had to… I started getting anxious. My Uncle came over to make sure I was ok, which I thought was nice of him. I also left because my dad isn’t going to be coherent when he wakes up, which at this point won’t be for a couple more hours. I will call him though, and try to visit when he gets his room.
I kinda felt bad for leaving. I can only take so much, and I was reaching my limit. My mom and sister were fine with me leaving, but… I’m not. And I realize it is because I expect too much out of myself.
I saw my dad this morning before surgery, I told him I loved him numerous times, and kissed him before he went into surgery. But I’m still beating myself up over not staying for the whole time, even though I know he is ok. I don’t know how to get over that.