I managed to get through my interview yesterday. It was short and not what I was expecting. The important thing is, it is over now. He had other people to interview so I wait. But in the meantime I am still looking for other jobs. I think I got over the initial “freak out” and hopefully I won’t have another one.
Anxiety is a bitch. And she will slap you around like the red-headed step-child. And then she sits there and laughs, because she just devoured your soul.
This morning’s thoughts were a plenty. I’ve got many thoughts going on. For one, I’ve figured out why I am so agitated. SLEEP! I haven’t had a solid night’s sleep, in I don’t know how long. The new routine is waking up at 4am. I’ve done that for the past two or three days.
That thought spider-webbed to this thought: I think my marriage has lost it’s spark. I just don’t feel any energy between us. It is quite possible it is all just me. I’ve been through a lot in the past month, and being the delicate little flower that I am, I get bruised easily. Last night I told my husband to stop being so mean to me. He wasn’t really being mean, just his sarcastic normal self. But it really hurt my feelings. It was just about reading directions. It was silly, really. But still.
I have a pdoc appointment on the 15. This should be interesting. She has been afraid that maybe my meds aren’t working. But really, they have been working (with expecption of the sleeping pill), and thank God for that! I have had little blips where I thought I would be better off dead. But, they are fleeting thoughts, they don’t linger as they usually do. I would really welcome some happy hypo-mania right now. But I know this is all situational. So, I’m trying to rise above it. More like climb above it. It is difficult when everything is so slippery.
Hoping for better days soon.