Today was a busy day, but a GOOD day, and I haven’t had a genuine GOOD day in a long time. Let me tell you, it is a great feeling!
First up, I had my pdoc appointment. I asked about an increase in my Latuda. I explained that I feel like I am on the cusp of feeling “better” or “functioning”. In the past I had no motivation at all, I thought a lot about suicide. Now suicidal thoughts are here and there, and are more or less just fleeting thoughts, nothing I sit and ponder for hours on end. My motivation IS getting better; now I have actual thoughts about things I WANT to do or get done, and actually think about them for an hour or two, and then do them (or in some cases not… LOL). I think the increase in the Latuda will give me that extra kick in the pants that I need to have a thought and follow through with it on a fairly reasonable time frame. My words getting stuck or not coming at all, have subsided. My thoughts are getting clearer, and it has been so nice!
I discussed about my tongue issue. She agreed that it sounds like it is an anxiety issue since it all began around the time my dad went in the hospital and since taking the Buspar seems to reduce it. She did say that one of the side effects of Latuda is rigidity in muscles, so to contact her if the increase causes worse tongue issues, or if I notice any other muscles getting rigid, and then we will have to change to something else. I really hope it doesn’t come to that, because Latuda has really been great for me. But I will keep an eye on things and report any changes if they come about.
Unfortunately no change in the sleep meds department. She is keeping me on the Sonata… So I gotta get red hot on getting this stupid sleep study done.
I also learned that the clinic provides a job counselor/adviser to help clients with getting back into the work force.
But… I don’t need that.
Unofficially – official announcement: If everything goes through (which I don’t foresee any problems) I pretty much have a job. I will be a school cafeteria substitute. Which means since I am a sub, my hours are going to suck balls. But — it will get my foot in the door for any “full-time” positions. I have to get every background check under the sun completed (and pay for them myself), 3 professional letters of recommendation (already contacted 2 people who agreed to write them for me, need to contact the last employer tomorrow), TB test, and fill out a shit-ton of paperwork and turn it all in. Sounds like a lot of work, and it is. But the hours would be perfect for me, I get weekends and holidays off, and know I don’t have to go to work when there are feet of snow on the ground! It also won’t conflict with my medical appointments, and I will still have time to work on making rosaries (my new venture!). Hubby isn’t excited about it being a sub position, but he is rolling with it with a “it’s better than nothing” attitude.
So all in all, today was a good day. It’s about fucking time! 🙂