Opening My Eyes

I received my third and final recommendation letter today that I need for my new job. All that is left is to get my background check on Friday and my TB test on Tuesday. It has really been annoying that I can’t get all of this done sooner, but I’m trying to get this all complete as soon as humanly possible, and I’m hoping that come Tuesday when I call the Personnel Director, that she will be in the office and not out. See, she explained to me that her mother is in palliative care in Kentucky, so she could get a call at any minute that her mom has passed away. So, in essence, I’m trying to beat death.

I do have to say, through all of this, my self worth has been boosted. You know things about yourself, but sometimes it is difficult to believe them. And sometimes it is even difficult to believe when other people pay you compliments. I am horrible at accepting compliments. I am trying to get better at it. But these letters of recommendation just totally blew me away. People just had so many NICE and POSITIVE things to say about me. All three were very sincere and heartfelt. And it just brought tears to my eyes.

I have realized that, through the years I have crossed some beautiful bridges, and people have noticed me for my excellent qualities and not my mental issues. I guess I am really good at hiding things or things are not as bad as I perceive them to be. Maybe a little bit of both.

I feel like I can accomplish anything. Not in a manic way, but in a self confident way. I am sad that I haven’t given myself enough credit where credit is due. I am sad that I am always so hard on myself. But it is just a marker of what I HAVE felt, and hopefully in the future the way I DO feel about myself will change.



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