Ever have those days where the thoughts just don’t stop? It is just a mobius of words. That is what I am up against today. Questioning everything. Making conclusive decisions on why I’m thinking what I’m thinking. Wondering where half of this shit is coming from. It is just an overload of information, like my brain took a laxative or something.
Today S. has an activity up at the library, so I am going to look for a good book, even though I am currently reading something. What else am I going to do at the library while she is busy learning about stuff. And then I think that today is not the day I want to be out “peopleing”. But I know I will get through it and I know I will be ok.
But then I question what I am going to make for dinner tonight. I’m not in the mood to eat, and had I not have to meet a calorie in-take to take my meds, I wouldn’t be making anything, It would just be a sandwhich kind of dinner for tonight since I’m going to be out.
I’m worried about my dad. He has a DVT in his leg and is on bed rest until his appointment to his cardiologist tomorrow. I know it is driving him crazy that he is not allowed to do anything, and it is driving my mom nuts trying to keep him down. They need some yard work done, and I wish I lived closer and I told my mom this yesterday. Both of my nephews are working now, so it is difficult to get some help. And here I sit, and hour away, terrified to drive on the interstate, perfectly physically capable to do the yard work needed.
But Life goes on. Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be new. I will still have anxiety, I will still have Bipolar, but life doesn’t stop. I need to learn how to cope. I need to learn how to deal with my feelings of inadequacy. And I eventually will.