I think I have bitten off more than I can chew. I need to learn how to say “NO”. This has always been a problem with me. I’m a people pleaser, and I am learning, slowly but surely, it is hazardous to my health.
Yesterday was a crappy day at work. It wasn’t horrible, but it was crappy. Probably because I didn’t want to be there in the first place. Last night I decided I need to learn how to say no. I came home extremely exhausted. Went to bed at 7. Didn’t even cook dinner. I went to Taco Bell and picked up tacos for everyone. Then after dinner I had to run my son up to the store so he could get some plastic folders. I had to do this because hubby stayed home sick yesterday. I had to have my son empty the dishwasher for me because I was simply too overwhelmed to do it. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with asking him to help out.
I was thinking about quitting the cafeteria job and just staying on as a classroom aide. And then I thought about how disappointed everyone would be if I quit, even if I did stay on as an aide (people pleaser). So I decided I am going to try to limit my work days to just 3. That seems to be the most I can handle right now. Mentally I’m getting overwhelmed and that causes me to be angry and anxious. If that doesn’t solve the problem, then I will quit the cafeteria position and just stay on as an aide.
It’s just all too much.
I’m working hard but I feel like they are expecting more from me. I think it is ME that is expecting so much from me. So, today if she asks if I can come in tomorrow, I am going to say no. I’m otherwise scheduled for the rest of this week. Next week I can only work 3 days because I have Dr appointments. The following week I can only work 2 days because I have my dental surgeon appointment and I’m not sure when he is going to schedule me for surgery. I seriously would have called in today and said my kid was sick if I didn’t have to fix my time card. (Something that pissed me off and left me confused yesterday) So today I will go in and fix my time card first thing, because I’m not busting my ass so I can get screwed out of pay! I will then work my shift, and tell her no if she asks me to come back in.
Working with bipolar is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I feel like such a weakling and it pisses me off. But I have to take care of my mind or it [outcome] will be bad.