Weighed Down

source: http://www.365sketch.com/2012/03/22/weighed-down/

Some great news, my husband is state-side now. He landed in NC last night around midnight. He will be home Tuesday!

Now on to the blog. I have had no work assignments this week. This has given me too much time to think. And thinking about all I CAN do, because I feel like I have lead weights in my ass. My upper half of my body is ready to tackle… something… ANYTHING to keep me busy and get through the day. But my ass end? My ass end is like “Nope. Not interested. Not budging. Not moving and you can’t make me.”

I didn’t really think too much about WHY I might be feeling this way, other than it is just a part of the bipolar life. But when you have too much time to think, the wheels start turning, and you make a sharp right into “What If” town. So this morning that is where I have been visiting. Which really just makes things worse for me.

A favorite line from one of my favorite songs “46 and 2” from the band TOOL “Overthinking, over-analyzing, separates the body from the mind.”

So I have to find a quick route out of “What If” town and find a way to release this weight. But I get to thinking that if I can think about WHY I feel this way, maybe I can GET RID of this feeling? But it never works that way.

I have things I want to get done before Tuesday. I want the house to be nice and clean for when my husband comes home. I want to wash walls and mop and give the house a serious good cleaning. But my ass says “Bitch, you cray-cray! Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

So here it to hoping that my mind and my ass can come to some sort of an agreement today and this weekend. I would love to feel the accomplishment of at least one thing.

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