Today is day two of my rapid thoughts. It is more like a pin-ball game going on in my head. I still feel the need to beat my head against a wall incessantly to make it all stop. But I know that won’t stop it. That would just give me a headache ontop of the rapid thoughts.
And it’s not even like there is a lot of “thoughts” bouncing around in the ol noggin. It’s not a loud noise like it usually is, it is more of a busy, electrical highway of synapses firing off. Which I guess that IS what happens in your brain, but I can feel it.
This is all induced by holiday stress (I’m guessing. Either that or the weather. I am a bit backwards as winter weather causes my mania instead of summer sunshine). I have a house to get ready for company. I have done ALL of the Christmas shopping, no help from my husband at all. And I keep hounding him on what we are getting our oldest son, because he is the last one to shop for and hello! Christmas is NEXT WEEKEND! Yesterday I opted for Amazon Prime for a month. Just in case we needed to do VERY last minute shopping.
Yesterday I took an anxiety pill to calm the head. In the past I would take a seroquel and that would totally help. Alas…. I’m not on seroquel anymore. Though I DO have some still. Albeit expired, but that just means it would be less potent. And it is probably not a wise decision to take it on-top of my normal antipsychotic.
I posted in a group, looking for some ideas on how to make the thoughts/noise stop. Everyone said the only thing I could do is to take meds. No one had any other tips or tricks in order to deal with it. So…. Yesterday I just vegged out. It KILLED ME to stay still. But it was the only way to calm my head down. It helped for a few hours along with the emergency anxiety pill.
Today I tackled my daughters bedroom. In shifts. Because she is nine and doesn’t clean her room. She used to when she was four, and I would give her a dollar every time she picked up her room. Then she wanted money EVERY TIME she cleaned her room, like on a daily, instead of like a regular weekly allowance. Anyhow… that is not the point. The point is, today’s tactic is to try and keep busy. I’m afraid that only makes the noise in my head worse. And it only amps me up more.
If I am still feeling this way tomorrow I am going to call Dr. G and see if I can get in. I doubt I can. But she did tell me if I started getting manic to get in to see her. So that is what I will attempt to do. Last night I took two sleeping pills to get to sleep, because I could have stayed up all night.
I have a feeling you might be able to tell I’m ramping up, because I feel like a lot of what I am typing isn’t really relative or what I really want to say, I just go off on tangents. Maybe not. But that is what I feel like. Yesterday I was singing “Yellow Submarine” to the kids.
IF you have any suggestions on how to stop the noise in my head, please feel free to share. Music does help, but I am very antsy.