The other day, the news was on and the story was about Carrie Fischer. My father in law made some remarks about being bipolar and having heart issues, and I came back with snark. It’s ok, it is what we do.
Then he said “You’re not Carrie Fischer bipolar…. your more just polar.”
I told him that I didn’t have the same type of bipolar that Carrie Fischer does. I believe she has BP1 and I have BP2.
But I was a little upset, in an odd way. It made me feel like he was telling me I wasn’t bipolar enough to really be bipolar.
Here is why it upset me. I battle with this demon daily. I take medications daily to keep myself well. Some days the medication is not enough and I either get manic or depressed. While I try not to let Bipolar define me, I still feel as though that bipolar is part of my definition. To be told that I am not bipolar enough is like telling me that they don’t even believe I have it, or that part of me is being ignored.
I don’t know if this is a normal feeling or not. I mean do other people with Bipolar feel this way? I guess it doesn’t really matter, because all that does matter is that I feel this way.
On the other hand, I can take what he said as a compliment, a proof positive that the medications are working as they should, and even though I work hard on a daily on the inside of me, the outside of me looks normal.
But I don’t feel that way. I feel that part of me is being discredited instead. I feel like a part of me is being ignored. Like the whole me is not being seen.
I guess inevitably it is up to me to decide how I should let the comment affect me. For all intents and purposes, I should look at it as a compliment. And I am going to work on trying to feel that way. But right now I am letting the salt in the wound sting for a little longer. I guess I’m just a glutton for pain.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? And if so, what were your feelings about it? Please share! 🙂