Good or Bad? Not being Bipolar enough

The other day, the news was on and the story was about Carrie Fischer. My father in law made some remarks about being bipolar and having heart issues, and I came back with snark. It’s ok, it is what we do.

Then he said “You’re not Carrie Fischer bipolar…. your more just polar.”

I told him that I didn’t have the same type of bipolar that Carrie Fischer does. I believe she has BP1 and I have BP2.

But I was a little upset, in an odd way. It made me feel like he was telling me I wasn’t bipolar enough to really be bipolar.

Here is why it upset me. I battle with this demon daily. I take medications daily to keep myself well. Some days the medication is not enough and I either get manic or depressed. While I try not to let Bipolar define me, I still feel as though that bipolar is part of my definition. To be told that I am not bipolar enough is like telling me that they don’t even believe I have it, or that part of me is being ignored.

I don’t know if this is a normal feeling or not. I mean do other people with Bipolar feel this way? I guess it doesn’t really matter, because all that does matter is that I feel this way.

On the other hand, I can take what he said as a compliment, a proof positive that the medications are working as they should, and even though I work hard on a daily on the inside of me, the outside of me looks normal.

But I don’t feel that way. I feel that part of me is being discredited instead. I feel like a part of me is being ignored. Like the whole me is not being seen.

I guess inevitably it is up to me to decide how I should let the comment affect me. For all intents and purposes, I should look at it as a compliment. And I am going to work on trying to feel that way. But right now I am letting the salt in the wound sting for a little longer. I guess I’m just a glutton for pain.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? And if so, what were your feelings about it? Please share! 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Good or Bad? Not being Bipolar enough”

  1. That is a pretty tough one, almost a “my illness is worse then your illness” type of things which is ultimately a negative way to look at things. My wife tries to do this sometimes and I simply tell her that her life and personal situation makes what she goes through unique and she shouldn’t compare herself to others. It is fine to draw inspiration from healthy stories but it is too easy to get caught up in some negative emotions.

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