It never ceases to amaze me how my moods vary from day to day. While I would consider myself stable today, I also feel a tad bit driven. Of course, this will probably change tomorrow. But today I am driven by change. I want better things for me. Today I am not satisfied with things just as they are, I want to take the steps to make things the way that they should be.
All too often I start projects that I get excited about, but no one else does. It is almost like they are saying “don’t get too excited, it is just another one of her crazy ideas, nothing is going to come of it”. I am the type of person that desperately needs support. It is not enough that I am excited about something but I need the excitement of others to know that what I am doing is great. That helps keep me motivated. This form of people’s “approval” gives me spark, hope, stroking.
I need to learn how to accept my own approval. I don’t know how to do this. I guess you just do it. And as with everything that you learn, it may or may not be easy. And I will probably make mistakes, and I will probably find myself looking for other’s approval again. But I will have to remember what I am learning and start over again. I will probably repeat that process many times. And who knows if I will ever finally learn that I only need my own approval. But I have to try.