Pedal to the Metal

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I NEED to learn how to control my emotions. I am tired of feeling everything so intensely. When I’m happy, I am full on happy. When I am sad, I am deathly depressed, and when I’m angry I feel like Medusa. I just want to have NORMAL emotions. Let’s just take it down a couple notches, eh?

Today, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Everything was irritating me. I think it was because I stayed up too late (11pm) and woke up too late (7am) — totally screwed up my routine.I put my big girl panties on and did my grocery shopping. I was finally calming down. I got home, put away groceries, and got the mail.

To my surprise I got something from my insurance company. It seems as though they got all of the bs straightened out with the doctors office over my CPAP machine. Well, almost. My insurance company is still denying the claim because, my doctor did not tell the insurance company that I have been using said machine. The one I wear 7-10 hours a night. The one that the results gets transmitted directly to the doctors office telling them how long I have been wearing the mask. The one that has an SD card in it, recording how often I wear the mask. I was, and still am FUCKING LIVID. I mean my heart is pounding, my breathing is heavy and fast, and I am shaky. I should not be THIS mad. I can’t call the doctors office TODAY to get this fixed, because I am too pissed. It is very likely that I will sound and act like a hateful bitch, even though I might not be trying to. So I’m waiting until Monday to call.

Does every little thing have to trigger me into such deep emotion? Am I the only one that gets like this? Or do other people with bipolar have this problem as well? I took two hydroxyzines to calm my ass down. I’m mentally trying to calm myself down. I need to be left alone for a little while. I need to give myself a time out. So I will, after the kids get home.

I just don’t know what to do about this. Suggestions?

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2 thoughts on “Pedal to the Metal”

  1. I am not too sure how helpful this will be but when something triggers my wife she has a “calming routine” that she tries to go through. It can be a specific activity, something you read, listen to, essential oils – whatever – that gives you an opportunity to center yourself.

    1. Thank you for the reminder. This is usually the advice I give, but I guess when you are in the throws of a mood, you can’t see straight. I did take a nap, didn’t help much, so now I am listening to music. If that doesn’t work I’m going to color. Just wish I didn’t feel things so deeply. *sigh*

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