Good and Bad, it’s the nature of the beast… or life.

Things have been good and bad. I’ve felt like a hot mess in my head and it has left me paralyzed for the most part. Kind of like a deer in headlights; not sure which way is safe to turn and bolt. But I’ve been handling it the best I can. The bad thoughts are subsiding, but the intrusive thoughts have taken their place, and it is all I can do to keep my mouth shut and not spew those thoughts and start a fight. They are stupid thoughts, like What would my husband feel if I left. I have no intentions of leaving, but if I ask that question, he would probably think that I WAS thinking about doing that, and become defensive and dick-ish and just make life unbearable, so I keep my mouth shut, because I know it is not a *real* thought.

My dad was in the hospital again at the beginning of this week. I can’t remember if I blogged about it or not, my memories are like a watercolor painting; all the colors run together and I don’t know where one stops or where one begins. Anyway, they diagnosed him with acute pancreatitis. Didn’t give him anything for it, just a diagnosis and sent him home. He sees his GI doctor today so hopefully they can get to the bottom of things. My dad is a horrible patient, and thinks he is going to die whenever he is inflicted with an ounce of pain. When he had his heart cath last week, he was convinced he was going to die on the table. I’m sure it is scary.

In good news, I FINALLY have an editing position. I am doing editing and writing for BPD Warrior. It is a lady who is a mental health advocate and looking to expand her website. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, but is inclusive of other mental illnesses. I edited my first piece yesterday and it felt TERRIFIC! I am going to edit another piece today if the other editor hasn’t tackled it yet (it is a long piece), and then look over the writing topics and see if anything twirls my skirt (i.e. anything I can write about that I have experienced).

I have also FINALLY become comfortable with my position with the school. I was teetering back and forth as you know about if I had made the right decision and struggling with accepting assignments. I am going to keep my pet care positions open, so I have something to fall back on in the summer, since school is closed then. I just really have to learn how to be comfortable with my decisions. But it is a difficult thing for me to do, because I over-think everything.


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