I need a swift kick in the pants. I NEED to get out of this sadness that I am in. I NEED to get busy and do something. I’ve told myself all this week that I am going to work out on the treadmill, that has yet to happen. I’ve been wanting to bake a cake all this week, that has yet to happen. NOTHING is giving me satisfaction or comfort. Even favorite tv shows are not cutting it for me. Music, my go-to, is offering no comfort. I did start reading a Russian Classic last night which is proving to be interesting.
I have a psych appointment next week, and I have no idea what she is going to suggest we do. I don’t see her increasing my antidepressant, because that is probably looking for trouble, too high of a risk for mania. I don’t see her changing meds because she had a difficult enough time deciding to put me back on wellbutrin because of the other meds I take for my fibro, other SSRI’s would interfere with meds and cause Serotonin Syndrome. I just know I am going to frustrate her, because I was doing so great! But, this is the nature of the beast. Next week should prove to be interesting.
At least I’m not having suicidal thoughts. I AM thankful for that. I’m just so fucking tired of being sad.
I did some research on Mental Hospitals in the area, in case I felt the need to check myself in at some point. There are 2 in my area, both about 30 min. away from me. One of the hospitals had horrible reviews, so I WON’T be going there. The other hospital had better reviews, but not by much. At least the second hospital didn’t have lice complaints. At least I know, both hospitals suck and I won’t bother checking myself in unless I am in absolute dire need. But at least I made myself familiar with my options.
I read an article about “double depression” the other day. I meant to post it here, but I forgot and now I can’t find the article. It used to be called dysthymia, but now it is called double depression in the DSM. I can’t help but wonder if that is my problem. It is a type of bipolar. I dunno. I just want to be un-sad. I don’t even have to be happy at this point. I just want the sadness to go away.