It is extremely annoying and bothersome that any time my mood changes or I have a feeling I have to check myself.
“Are you going into mania/depression?”
“Better keep an eye on it in case there are changes soon.”
“Is this a bipolar thing or a normal thing?”
“Am I being too sensitive to that?”
“Did I just come across as a bitch?”
That is the conversation I have with myself on a daily basis. At least once if not more. That is exhausting to do this every time I feel a shift. One could say “let it go”, but you can’t. It is almost an automatic response. My brain just kicks into that mode.
The past few days I have been more productive than usual. Nothing too crazy. I’ve managed to stick to being able to do one thing a day. But this morning when I was thinking about my plans for today, I realized I had none. Then I quickly panicked about what I was going to do now because I didn’t want to be bored.
I checked the DVR. Nothing to watch. I ran over in my mind about things I could do today. I decided to clean my room. I haven’t started yet. Probably start it around noon. Tonight is the night all my shows are on. However, since the basketball championships are going on, basketball will be on instead of my shows. I finished 2 shows on HBO now; The Young Pope, and Big Little Lies. I’m now watching In Treatment. It is a 30 minute show about therapy sessions. I haven’t decided if I like it yet or not, and I am 5 episodes in. But I’m not in the mood to watch that today.
You know what has been heavily neglected? That book I started writing. But the thought of working on that is just so exhausting. All the words going on in my head… ugh.
I guess it is going to be one of those days…