Holidays as a parent is weird. You build this fantasy (lie) about great magical creatures /people and weave tales about how they came to be. Excitement fills the day and everyone is happy.
I think my days of excitement through a child’s eyes is over. This morning was very lackluster. And so many questions from the 9 year old, who which, just told her friend about ten minutes ago that she doesn’t believe in the Easter Bunny anymore. I knew the day would come, I just didn’t think it would be today. And now I’m left feeling like I have been running some sort of scam for all these years. I never felt this way when the other kids came of age. Maybe I’m feeling this way because she is my youngest and my last.
Her and I attended mass this morning. And of course it was packed with all the “holiday Christians”, those that only go to church on “special occasions”. I wonder if they go out of guilt or out of obligation? No matter.
B put the a/c units in while we were at church, for which I am thankful. It has been gorgeous outside, but hot and uncomfortable inside the house. I’ve spent the last two days drenched in sweat. Tis the season! I now carry around a rag in my purse for when I am out and about and sweating. There is nothing more embarrassing that being out in public with drips of sweat beading down your face and neck.
Tonight I am cooking a ham, mashed potatoes, and corn for dinner. I have a horrible headache right now because I need to eat something. But if I eat now, I won’t be able to eat dinner. I’m back to being only able to eat once a day again.
No family get together this year for us. I prefer things this way. I have no anxiety this way, so I don’t have to take pills to be “functional”. No driving on the busy highway. Yes, I am thankful for these small things.