I had my appointment today with the psych nurse. It went well, although she sounded concerned about the hypomania. Told me if it happens again, for more than one day to call so they can get me in.

I REALLY hope Dr. G. doesn’t switch up my meds because of this. I am able to keep myself in check. I stay out of trouble. And a day of exhilaration is way better than day after day thoughts of suicide. Keeping my fingers crossed and we will see what happens at the end of next month.

And why do they say “call us”? You never get to talk to anyone, they never get you in THAT day. They make it sound like they can save you, but all they do is leave you hanging.

As you might be able to tell, I’m a little low today. Low is the best way to describe it. I’m not really depressed, but I’m low and needy. Today is my daughter’s birthday, so I have to put my mask on when she gets home and pretend all is right with the world. This is the part I hate about being bipolar. The mask. The lie. The front. Covering it all up so you don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. Fuck that! What about me? No one gives a shit that I’m feeling uncomfortable. I shouldn’t say that. Maybe they do. You never can tell these days. People can be so fake. I hate fake. That is why I let it all hang out. And if I don’t like you, you know it. I’m not mean about it. I don’t like being mean. But sometimes I am. Even when I don’t mean to be.

I’m babbling. Sorry.

Wish me luck with getting through the night. Today is workout day so I’m looking forward to that. I was going to do that today while no one was home, but I took a nap instead. I haven’t taken an afternoon nap in a long time.



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