I’m in the Failure Zone today. That means, I feel like a failure. We have all been there. And Will probably re-visit this zone many times again. It sucks. But I’m trying to not be too hard on myself. I am acknowledging the feeling, and moving on. Because I recognize it is just a feeling. A false feeling. Yes, I feel it, but it is not true. It is just Bipolar being a bully.
I’m trying to find a *real job*. Because I feel exceptionally guilty that I am not pulling my financial weight around here. Sure, working for the school district is great, it gives me a lot of freedom, but not really enough money to justify staying there.
I was looking for jobs yesterday and came across a freelance position doing closed captions. I filled out my application, and then I moved onto the test this morning. The transcribing was easy. The editing, not so much. I got frustrated and quit. I don’t know if I can re-visit the testing area since I didn’t submit the test or not. But, it left me feeling like a failure. I feel like I can’t accomplish anything. I start stuff and then my feelings get the better of me and I quit. Typical bipolar.
I need to learn how to conquer this.
I don’t know if I ever will. But I am hoping by acknowledging the feeling and moving on, this will get me on the right track. I know in my heart of hearts I am not a failure. But right now, in this moment, I certainly feel like one.
Maybe I’m just having a case of the Monday’s.