Feelings change. Of course they do, I have bipolar disorder. So today I am not on the verge of calling the crisis team like I was yesterday. Yesterday was pretty bad. I pushed through it. I found things to keep me busy, mostly chores and music. Today I am left feeling numb. And on the upside, I finally changed my clothes! I was in my pj’s for three days. Even went out in public like that. Just sweats and a tank top, so no one knew that I slept in it for three days, just me. But that is enough. I’m avoiding in-coming calls today. I feel bad because the one person calling me is my moms friend that I have known for almost 40 years, she is bipolar and calls me when she needs to talk. I just can’t do it. I haven’t even called my mom in a week, and I usually call them every day.
But today leaves me feeling numb, empty, and lethargic. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide under the covers. I see my pdoc in 2 weeks. She is probably going to say something like… “You should have called….” Look, there is nothing that can be done immediately. I have been in this rodeo long enough to know that this is a process. I will eventually feel better. Like the saying goes… “you gotta go through a little hell to get to heaven.” or something like that. It is just another step in this dance. A dance with horrible orchestration. A dance with a drunk leader who can’t decide which way to step; back or forward… so they just slide you side to side. Ahhhhh metaphors. They make life spicy.
So that is where things stand for now. Tooth pain/throbbing is mostly gone, now my tooth is just really sore and I can’t chew on my left side.
Not sure what I am going to be feeling later. I just know I have things that I need to get done so I feel productive. Hope you all have a better day then me.