anxiety and anticipation

First of all I have to say, we must have had a replacement mail carrier today. I received a notice that they tried to deliver a piece of certified mail but I wasn’t home. WRONG! I heard the mail carrier deliver the mail, and not ONCE did he knock on my door. Plus, we got a different addresses mail along with ours today.

Secondly, about that notice for certified mail…. (For those across the pond and through the woods, certified mail is something you have to sign for so that the sender knows you received it) It was for me. From a law firm. Of course, like a normal person, I had a boulder drop to the pit of my stomach. But then I was trying to figure out, why would I be getting a certified letter from an attorney? I am on payment plans with my major bills, and the other bills that I have are medical bills, which just go straight to collections. So I looked up the law firm to see if they were a firm that dealt with collections. Strangely enough, this particular law firm deals with business law. Acquisitions, Mergers, and Patents to be exact. Totally out of my world.

So, not only do I have anxiety over this now (because attorneys = courtrooms which triggers my PTSD) but I also have anticipation about picking up this mail from the post office tomorrow. I’m trying to figure out WHEN to get it. Before or after my dental appointment. If I get it before I am going to be pre-occupied over what is in the letter. If I get it after it is going to be on my mind during the whole dental appointment, adding more anxiety over my anxiety about going to the dentist. I’ll probably get it first thing in the morning. Best to rip the bandaid off then to remove it slowly.

So, for the rest of the day I will be chewing on this, trying to figure out what in the hell this letter could be. And I’m nervous because we can’t afford to alott any more money to anyone else. We are living paycheck to paycheck as it is. I’m trying to keep busy as to keep my mind off of it all and not fall into a premature depression.

Ain’t life grand!


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