Stressors

My root canal today went well. I had such an infection that it caused my tooth to become lose, so they had to put extra composit on my tooth to anchor it. Today’s visit was $256 and some change. The first thing that popped into my mind when they told the the total was “Gee, I’m glad the in-laws bought our groceries on Friday!” As what I shelled out today was about a weeks worth of groceries for us. I have to go back in August to get my crown, and it is going to cost more than the root canal, I just don’t know HOW MUCH MORE…. And then of course was my rx’s that I needed to get filled; more antibiotics and more pain pills. And as fate would have it, JUST NOW I got a call about my psych meds, and they needed a payment in order to mail them… Total due was $160, I paid half — which I will probably get gruff from my husband about that. But I NEED the psych meds, especially since we are going on vacations next week.

*sigh*

So, MONEY is my stressor. I feel like I am a big, huge, insurmountable debt walking around. So guess what kicks in now?

GUILT

Then guess what?

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

And then?

SUICIDAL IDEALIZATION

This is my life, on repeat. Things would be so much better for my family if I just didn’t exist. My husband wouldn’t be a walking-talking ulcer of a man, that is for sure. He probably wouldn’t drink nearly as much too.

I just don’t know what to do. It would be so helpful if I could get social security! But I don’t qualify, which is bullshit. The part that pisses me off the most is that I don’t have enough work credits… I’ve worked since I was 16! Those work credits go away apparently.

So, the only thing I can do right now is just deal and try not to have a nervous breakdown because I cost my husband so much money.

 

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2 thoughts on “Stressors”

  1. Hi Iggy. It is horrible that maintaining your health when you’re ill is so expensive. I don’t have dental insurance either, and though I do have other health insurance the copays seem so high. They add up.

    I’m glad your tooth is attended to. I hope it heals well.

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