Growing Pains

My morning reflection was about my oldest son. I still can’t believe that he has graduated. He is grown into a man now that he is 18. We went and opened him a bank account yesterday; both a savings and a checking. He stayed up past 12 last night talking to his dad about personal finance. He touched base with my daughter’s boyfriend, whom he is going to be working with, getting details about his job and how to proceed. My heart fills with joy, pride, and pain, simultaneously.

I remember when he was born. I remember his first day of school. I remember changing his diapers and kissing his boo-boos. And now he is a man. Starting to find his way in the world. I am scared for him. And it is going to be difficult for me to watch him try, fail, try again, go through turmoil and success and me not be able to do anything but be there for him whenever he should need me. I have had a hard time getting out of “mommy mode” with him. I keep stopping myself and saying “I can’t do this for you. I need to let you handle this.”

I am lucky in the fact that he is a good kid, and has turned into a good person. I’ve never had one lick of trouble out of him, and he became responsible and dependable at an early age. I worry because he IS socially awkward and a bit of a homebody, and that is also something that weighs on him. But he will learn to communicate with others.

His new job will be installing cable and phone lines for businesses. One of his requirements is having a thick heeled boot, FOR CLIMBING POLES! The thought of that scares the hell out of me. My grandpa was an iron worker, and fell off of scaffolding to his death. I just have to have faith that he will be careful and safe.

Being a mom  parent, is a hard job. Especially the letting go part. I didn’t have this much problem letting go of my daughter, but I think it was because we didn’t have a close relationship as she is tough and headstrong. For now, I will just have to enjoy the time we have together before he starts work and school and driving. I will have to keep letting little pieces go. I wonder if my husband has these feelings…

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