Start at the beginning

I decided my next therapy session will be spent discussing my husbands drinking. Only because it is something that causes me to feel like I am crazy and I would like to avoid that feeling at all costs, and not to mention, I have been dealing with this for so long that I have become numb to the issue and I know that is NOT healthy (wow, that was a long run on sentence!). Going over this, I am hoping to learn some skills for avoiding confrontation, on my part. I HATE confrontation, but I am very good at being confrontational. I think that is one thing that I truly dislike about myself. Anyways, I was just thinking about that a lot today and decided that is what I want to talk about when I go in Monday morning.

I’m feeling lonely. I need intimacy, and not sex, just one on one intimacy. I tried last night and my husband ended up snoring in my ear. I was supposed to be happy that he cuddled to me and feel asleep. I found this out because I CONFRONTED him about it today when he got home. *sigh*

Why can’t I just be nice about things? Why do I have to be so rude about things? The answer is because I am too sensitive. My feelings get hurt easily and if something doesn’t go the way I plan or feel they should, I get offended and then I feel like there is something wrong with me for someone to do this to me and then I have to “hurt them back”.  There. I just answered my own question. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I haven’t taken my Latuda yet tonight. I plan on doing that after I take a walk with my dog, which I will probably do in about a half an hour. I’m just going to drink one of my Ensure shakes with it. I cooked dinner, but I didn’t eat it. Instead I had a bag of BBQ Pork Rinds and 2 fun-size candy bars. (Emotional eating much?)

Good news, I am pretty sure I got rid of my daughters lice issue. I deep cleaned her room, threw everything I could in the dryer on high heat for 30 minutes and re-treated her hair “just to be safe” yesterday. I combed it with the special comb and nothing came out, which is an excellent sign. I boiled her old brush, and bought her a new brush today.

I also bought a box for all of my meds. You see, I have a end table on my side of the bed. On the end table is my jewlery boxes, my cpap machine, and on top of my jewlery boxes my bottles of meds. In order to get to my jewlery, I have to remove all of my bottles of meds. I’m too lazy for that, so I have stopped wearing jewlery and haven’t put away what I have worn. So I bought a box to put all my meds together. Of course, that lies ontop of the jewlery boxes, but it is easier to lift ONE box, then 20 medicine bottles.

My mood is… moody. No other way to say it but moody. I’m not sad or mad or happy… I’m just fucking moody.

Hip-hip-horray.

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