Went to therapy this morning, and we are calling my week of hell hypomania. He wanted to call it full blown mania, but had reservations about it since I didn’t meet more than a few of the criteria, so hypomania it is. Great. Awesome. Splendid. Of course, I am to keep an eye on things, and if the symptoms happen again, try and take notes about everything going on so we can pinpoint exactly what the issue is. Fair enough.
I learned two new tools. More on mindfulness and meditation and something called square breathing. Both should prove to be beneficial.
We talked a bit about the husbands alcoholism. Of course he couldn’t say for sure if he is or not. And we discussed Alanon and we did a role play on how to tell my husband I would like to go to a Alanon meeting and what his drinking does to me. Now I just have to have the courage to do it.
But back to the tools I learned about today. Meditation, I have been doing it all wrong apparently. I’ve always had a problem with meditation because my mind wanders. But I learned today that, that is ok. You recognize it, accept it, and move on. That is really the key to a lot of the things I have been learning in therapy. Recognize, Acceptance, and continuing on. So my goal that we set in therapy is meditation for 5 minutes once everyday. Progressing when I feel I can up to 10 minutes, and so on and so forth. Square breathing seems simple enough. When I’m feeling,,, whatever, I breathe in for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4. Doing that 4 times, like a square. Same thing, if I am feeling something or my thoughts are messed up, recognize, accept, move on. Certainly something I can work on.
So often I am critical and judgmental of myself. When I am feeling any emotion I let it consume me. I need to learn that it is ok to have that feeling, whatever it may be, but not to let it consume me by putting my tools into practice. Easier said than done. But I am going to give it a go.
It is very hot today. I put some water in the pool to clean it up a bit. So many fricken mosquitos! Even in the heat! And I don’t understand why, because there is no standing water. It makes me nervous because Zika and that other virus (i forget the name) have been recorded in our county. I get bitten all the time, and I am allergic to mosquito bites, they get huge and end up looking like snake bites on me. But as long as I take some benadryl and put no itch srpay on me, I’m good.
I’m ready for fall. I’m done with summer.