Anxiety, Mental Health, Uncategorized

Getting excited… and anxious (but of course!)

I am really going to Hawaii with my husband this time. He is making the reservations this Friday. His dad is coming up to take care of the kids for us. I will be gone from March 8 thru the 20. Long vacation away from home! We are staying in a resort hotel for a large part of our stay. A regular hotel for 3 days. We will be arriving early and the rest of our party will arrive Sunday or Monday, which is when we will switch hotels.

I am looking at this like our Honeymoon that we never got. We got married during his lunch break and he went back to work. So, it is apropos that our honeymoon would be a work related “vacation”.

Sounds wonderful! You may be asking yourself what do I have to be anxious about! I’m going to be away from my kids and animals. As much as they drive me up the wall, they provide me stability and structure, which I need to feel safe. I am going to be in a new place that is heavily populated (Waikiki is a tourist spot) this is going to shoot my anxiety levels off the charts. But I’m looking at this as an adventure. I’m looking forward to do exploring on my own while my husband is at work. And last but not least… TRAFFIC. I know from experience that Island traffic is horrible. My husband already warned me that traffic is going to be horrible and to make sure I bring my anxiety meds.

I honestly have some trepidation about taking all my meds on the plane. It is just embarrassing because I am on so many and security is going to have to go through them. My daughter commented tonight on how she didn’t want to say anything to me about all of my medications because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

So… that is what is going on with me right now.

bipolar, Mental Health

Final Chapter to the Medication Issue

Long story short. My rx is on the way.

I called the pharmacy this morning and apparently I needed a “Medication Review” done on the Latuda before it could be processed. What is a medication review you ask? Well, Apparently Latuda is a non formulary drug with my insurance. So, in order to cover it, they have to make sure that I absolutely need it and make sure I can’t switch to something else, at their suggestion. Then they review the matter. You can get an expedited review, which is 24 hours, but only if you doctor tells insurance that it is an emergency. Otherwise, it takes 72 hours. If all goes well, they will approve your review. Think of it another kind of Prior Authorization.

I contacted the clinic to talk to a nurse. The nurse had never heard of such a thing. The PA was in place so she didn’t understand why I needed this other thing. They called and took care of it. The pharmacy called me an hour later to tell me I needed to pay my balance before they could ship my Latuda. So, that is how I found out that everything got sorted out. About 4 hours later the clinic called to tell me that they took care of it and I should have my meds in a week.

I’ve been on meds for over 10 years, and I have NEVER had this happen before. Of course, most of my meds have been covered by insurance. But since I’ve been on it for so long, they grandfathered me in.

I paid my balance with the pharmacy and now I am waiting for them to give me a ship date on the Latuda so I can pay that. (a great deal! $150 for a 90 day supply)

Crisis averted.


meds part 2

well, I fucked everything up yesterday. I found my Rx for the Latuda. It was prescribed in January (Makes MUCH more sense and I remember my appointment in Jan) Apparently, my insurance will not allow the Latuda to be shipped anymore. This must have started this year, because I’ve been getting it through the mail for as long as I have been on it. So, I need to call the pharmacy tomorrow and find out what in the hell is going on. Hopefully they can trasnfer the rx to my local pharmacy. Then I will have to wait for a Prior Authorization because it is a new pharmacy. But I don’t know what is exactly going on. I just read the message that I got when they tried to fill the Latuda. My fault, because I thought it was a note saying they couldn’t fill it yet. My bad. LOL

I’ll keep you all posted.


RX Woes

I noticed I’m running pretty low on my Latuda. I have 23 pills left. Let’s do some math. I filled the rx October 17. It was a 90 day supply. 3 months. It should have only lasted me until December. We will figure that I had pills left over from the previous rx. That still doesn’t explain how a 90 day rx is supposed to last me through April. Something is not right here…. I checked my pharmacy account, and I do not have an availible rx for the Latuda that I can fill. This is a problem. I’m going to run out before my appointment. I checked my stash of meds to see if I had a bottle in there that was full, but I didn’t. :/ And the office I go to will not call in an rx unless you have an appointment. I’m hoping they make an exception. I’m pretty sure going cold turkey off of Latuda would be bad.

bipolar, Mental Health

Just a splash

As I was afraid, I’ve been having manic thoughts and feelings. But just a splash. Just a touch. Hypo-Hypo mania. Certainly not full blown. However, I can more easily control the mania than the depression. The mania I can put a lid on it and keep it from boiling over. The depression I have to submit to it.

So it started a few days ago with that grand Idea I had of getting serious about my music blog. Then I got the idea that I should be a white hat hacker (aka, ethical hacker), that spidered into just learning python. All of those thoughts didn’t happen in one day, they happened in a couple. Yesterday I started feeling “sinful”. I wanted to do bad things, I wanted to get into trouble, I wanted to throw caution to the wind. I wanted to sign up for a dating site and see if anyone would be interested in having a trist. Today I’m feeling energetic, but not acting on it. I’ve managed to stay low-key. I do have plans to do some baking tonight when my husband and my daughter watch their shows tonight. Baking is a kind of mindfullness for me. It helps keep me calm. It gives me focus. And I really enjoy it.

I guess I’m lucky that I have gotten to a place in my bipolar journey that I don’t act on the manic thoughts anymore. I’ve gotten to a place where I accept the thoughts and I fight the urge that shoots through my body.

I am a bit edgy, so I took a hydoxyzine to calm me down. Before that I ran to the store to grab some things that I was out of and needed (yay! my car started, the temp rose to above freezing!). I had some slight paranoia/anxiety when driving. I felt like I was going to get in a wreck. I didn’t of course. But the slight paranoia was a bit uncomfortable.


Scheduling Conflict

My sleep schedule is messed up and I need to get it back where it was. I’m going to bed later but then not active the next day. I just lay on the couch after the kids go to school and take a nap. Get up around noon and change my clothes and get started on things that need to be done. It doesn’t sound too horrible, right? But I don’t like feeling like I haven’t gotten enough sleep.


I started taking my Latuda later in the night, around 8 or so, when my in-laws were here for the holidays. As we gave them our bed, and we were to sleep in the living room, I had to manage to stay awake past 8pm, as they don’t go to bed til 11 or so.

I kept that schedule because I liked being awake at night, but I’m not liking the after effects.

So I think I’m going to start back to taking my Latuda after dinner, even if it means going to bed at 6. I evidently need 10 hours of sleep to function properly.